Primer

You know what they say about first impressions. The first time you enter a country, the city in which you land and the first few people you interact with form the initial impression in your mind, like a primer. For example, a foreigner who lands in Mumbai may have a very different perception of India compared to someone else who would land in say, Chennai. The same is the case when you join a new company or a work place. While the forthcoming experiences may add on to the primer to form a smooth coat or wash it away into oblivion, it is worth remembering that the primer is all that one had to contend with in the initial few days, and the role it played in initiating the arrival of an assortment of shades that made up that final layer of paint we call opinion should not be forgotten.

In this article, I look back at some of the interactions I had with various people in my department within the first few weeks of my joining. It is imperative to keep in mind that USA, a smaller representation of which is my department, is multicultural, multilingual, multiracial and multiethnic. Therefore while some of my interactions have been confusing, some amusing and a few downright hilarious, they have made me think and realize that, no matter how seriously we think of ourselves, there will be someone somewhere to whom we'd appear as amusing as I found some of the people I will describe below. Needless to say, these should be interpreted with a pinch of salt.

Note: All names in this article have been changed for obvious reasons. 

Episode 1: What's in a name?

One of the first interesting incidents that happened was on the very first day I joined. A senior in the lab, Shraddha, was kind enough to take me around the department and introduce me to the students, staff, post docs and scientists. Around lunch time, we happened to be around the eating area of the lab, named as the "break room" replete with a dining table and chairs, microwaves for people to heat up their lunches, a couple of coffee machines, refrigerators, shelves and racks for food storage and what not. The dining table was occupied by four to five people, merrily enjoying their lunch while discussing food, science, shopping and weather, not necessarily in that order. Shraddha, a popular person in the department, grabbed attention as soon as she entered the room. 

"Hi guys! Did you meet the new post doc in our lab? He is Gautam. He just joined Philip's group today."

Shraddha beamed across the table.

Everyone greeted me warmly. 

My name has been something whose right pronunciation in this country is a concept I can only dream about. While it has "conveniently" been tweaked to be pronounced, written and even printed wrongly from the Korean sounding "Gu-Tam", interchanging "A" and "U" to generate the coded "Guatum", to an envelope addressed to Dr. Skenoy (seriously?) and the ridiculous sounding "Thank you for your business Mr. Shendy" (which resulted from a cashier reading capitalized O as D on a printed bill), it has been a disaster waiting to happen.

While the aforementioned modifications happened much later on, I got a clue of what was coming when the various people on the table tried to say my name. I shall not attempt to describe those, as spelling some of them is beyond the scope of the English alphabet.

Seeing the struggles, Shraddha offered to help out.

"It is Gautam. The first name of Buddha. Haven't you heard of the founder of Buddhism, Gautam Buddha"?

One of the enthusiastic ones, David, promptly expressed his thoughts.

"Oh! I didn't know Buddha had a first name!" said David, impressed and amused by the newly acquired information.

"I thought Buddha was a single name, like Madonna." he went on to explain his thoughts in clear words.

That was the first and only time I have heard of people talking about Buddha and Madonna in the same breath.

Thankfully, Lady Gaga has a first and a last name, though both don't make sense.

Episode 2: Two Big Cities

The break room awarded me my second amusing incident of the week soon after I recovered from the Buddha vs Madonna conflict. This time I happened to find my way there on a leisurely afternoon, and caught up with two gentlemen having their cuppa.

Noel, the taller and the more intelligent looking of the two, asked me about my background.

"I belong to Southern India, though I did my PhD from Delhi." I explained.

"Delhi! I know Delhi!" said an excited Gordon, who had been silently, but intently listening to our conversation.

Noel and I looked at him.

"It is a big city in India right?" Gordon looked at me, posing a semi-rhetoric.

"Yeah. It is the capital of India. It is a big city." I was more than happy to oblige.

"Yeah that is right. I know Delhi." he told me learnedly.

"I know two big cities in India," he continued, "Delhi," Gordon took the last sip from his cup, "and Bangladesh."

Noel looked confused now.

"I thought Bangladesh is a country." he said, sounding unsure.

"Is it? It might be a country then. But I know Delhi." Gordon was assured bout the latter.

"Yeah, it is a country, I am pretty sure." Noel was clearing his doubts.

One man's ignorance is another's assurance.

Sometime next week, I met Ramaswamy, a senior post doc on the break room table. He was pulling Harish's leg, the latter being an Indian who has been born and brought up in the USA, about the general knowledge, or the lack thereof, among Americans with respect to anything outside the US. Since it was a friendly humorous conversation in the right spirit, I shared the conversation I had with Noel and Gordon.

"I am surprised they've heard of Bangladesh at all." remarked Ramaswamy.

He went on to narrate an incident that had led him to say what he did.  Apparently, someone he knew, a young lad called Mike wanted to go to Arizona State University for college from his hometown in Kansas. On being asked the reason "Why Arizona?", what Mike said was,

"I've always wanted to live near the ocean. I am tired of living in a landlocked state."

"But where is the ocean in Arizona? asked a confused Ramaswamy.

The world according to Mike: 
The part outside the landmass is the "ocean".

"To the south ofcourse." chided Mike. "Haven't you seen the map? There are no states south of Arizona."

He was right, except that there was the minor matter of a country named Mexico that happened to exist there.

There is a reason why people say that general knowledge is about as (not) general as common sense is (not) common.                                                                   

That, however, is a topic for a different day.

Episode 3: Number Crunching

Our department was a strong one in terms of sheer numbers, and the head count crossed the three figure mark in the summer of 2011. So, for the first couple of weeks, I was meeting some new person or the other every day. Strangely, while I need more than a glance to register a face in my mind, remembering names comes easily to me. Therefore, before long, I could name a lot of people in the department that I had been introduced to, without really remembering how they looked.  

One such time I bumped into a Chinese girl in the department. She was all smiles when she saw me headed towards her, which was a sign that I had been introduced to her before.

"Hi!" she greeted cheerfully. She had one of those smiles which made the face light up.

"You are the new post doc in Philip's group", she informed me. "I am sorry I don't recall your name", she said apologetically.

"Gautam." I said, smiling back at her, expecting a weird sounding version of my name to be repeated.

To my relief (as well as disappointment, to be honest), I was spared the horror.

"I might take some time to remember that." 

I appreciated her honesty.

"You are Xiaoqing, right?" I knew she was. That was easy. Among the Chinese I had been introduced to, only one was a girl and her name was Xiaoqing.

"Yes!" she beamed at me, pleasantly surprised. "You are very good with names."

After a brief chat where she gathered basics about where I came from and the likes, I posed her a regular question.

"So how long have you been here?"

"This is my forst year." 

Did I mention she had a heavy accent?

"Oh! This is your first year too?" I asked enthusiastically, wondering whether I had finally met someone in my age group.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no." Heavy disagreement there.

"This is my.." Xiaoqing held up four fingers, "Four-st year."

"Oh! Fourth year?!

Xiaoqing nodded in agreement.

We chatted for another ten fifteen minutes but her accent got the better of her and what I ended up remembering from our chat that day is how she pronounced Ramaswamy as Llama-swamy (a South American camelid turned ascetic?) and her appreciation for the fact that her boss gives her the freedom to "sink independently" about her project. 

Pun intended? You never know.

Episode 4: The Curious Case of Girish

Indians are never found wanting when it comes to dishing out entertainment, intentionally or other wise. There were quite a few Indians in the department as well as in the institute itself, and it was just a matter of time before I knew most of them.

During the Virginia earthquake of August 2011, we had exited the building and were awaiting instructions for a period of about a couple of hours. The mass of people that had congregated outside formed groups the way they do, by designation, nationality, department or simply leftovers who didn't fit into the other groups. It was at this time that I got introduced to many Indians including a guy who continually cracked jokes to have the people around him in splits most of the time. He was Shridharan. He was tall, had a shaved head and wore glasses. His eyes shifted continuously as if something was distracting him all the time. After exchanging pleasantries, we even figured out that we had a common friend outside the current institute. 

A few days later, it was deja vu as a mass had once again congregated outside the building, this time due to a mock fire drill. And as luck may have it, I ran into Shridharan once again. From his body language, it was apparent that he recognized me.

"Hey man!" A typical dude exchange.

"This stupid fire drill has taken out most of my morning." he complained.

"Yeah, it should be over soon."

"So how is life?"

"Good. I am more or less settled in now."

"Good. So did you find a school for your son?"

I smiled at him. "I don't have a son."

"Atleast that I know of."

Shridharan saw the humor and smiled back.

"Oh yeah, I am sorry. It is a daughter, right?"

I smiled again. "I don't have kids, dude.

You are confusing me with someone else."

"Oh is it?" he looked confused for a moment.

"Has your wife moved in or is she still in Mumbai?"

My smile grew wider. "I am not married." 

"Oh, ok!" There was absolutely no change in his expression.

And at that moment the security guards announced that the fire drill was over and we could enter the building and get on with our business.

"Finally! What a relief!" He did look relieved.

"Alright then, Shridharan, I'll catch up with you later."

"See you, man. You are Girish, right?"

"No, I am Gautam." the smile hadn't left my face.

"Oh! Gautam, is it?"

"Yeah. So this Girish is this friend of yours whose wife is in Mumbai and whose son needs to join school?" I asked him lightly, still grinning. "When you meet him, make sure you don't confuse him with me." I added cheerfully.

"I don't know anyone called Girish." He gave me a look as if I had just accused him of something grave.

"Well then, where did Girish come from?" I genuinely wondered.

"You just look like a Girish to me." With that he smiled at me and went his way.

The smile on my face gave way to bewilderment. I admit I was stumped.

I still haven't been able to explain to myself what exactly happened that day, or how the minds of certain people work.

Maybe I'll die wondering.

And that my friends, is a brief collection of some of the more memorable incidents I remember from my first few weeks here. What happens to the primer remains to be seen.

Just last week, I was sitting on my desk talking to a young American research assistant in our lab and couldn't help but notice that she was able to pronounce my name as well as that of my recently migrated friend Hridesh to near perfection.

"You've got to give it to them", I thought. "They are making an effort; and with this kind of Indian influx into the country, they'd soon be far more comfortable with our names."

And that was when someone from Hridesh's lab came looking for him.

"Your friend Radish, has he come in today?"

"Yes, Hridesh has come in, I think he is reading by his desk." I sent him off in the right direction.

I couldn't suppress a quiet smile.

His priming has just begun. 

After all, he has just started his forst year..